Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Manny Stops by to Enlighten Us

Manny Ramirez wanted to clear the air about some issues, so he e-mailed me and asked me to post this to my blog for him*.

Hello my fans, this is Manny Ramirez, the leftfielder for the Boston Red Sox. Another winter meetings come and gone without me being traded, so you're stuck with me for another season. Or at least until midseason when the Sox decide to trade me. My advisors have advised me to get closer to the fans, so I've asked my friend to post this here. Curt Schilling, or Mouth, as we like to call him, told me this was a great way to get the fans to understand what's going on in my mind. And trust me, there's a lot.

You might ask why I'm not doing this on my own website, Well I have people there who censor things I say. They don't want me to look bad. How could I possibly look bad just for telling you what I'm thinking, man? I have a lot of interesting things jingling around in my head, bro.

By the way, does anyone know why my teammates call Curt "Mouth"? He doesn't seem to have a large mouth. Maybe he got the nickname from the kid in Goonies. Man, I love that movie. And I love Baby Ruths. Mmmmm…. Baby Ruth….

Anyway, I want to set the record straight, man. I never demanded to be traded, man. I love Boston. I think I know what happened. Theo misunderstood my request. When he was leaving the Red Sox last winter he was going around asking players for the autographs. When he ran into me, he had an ice cream cone in his hand and it was pistachio. Now, pistachio is my favorite and I had to have it. So he asked me for my autograph and I told him, "Only if you trade me." I meant trade the ice cream cone for the autograph, but he got all huffy and told me he'd see what he could do. At the time I didn't understand. I thought he just really liked his ice cream cone and didn't want anyone else having it, but the next day I saw in the news that I had demanded a trade. That's not me, man. I just want to play baseball and the fans have been very good to me.

Sports talk radio is another story. Mouth keeps telling me to not listen to it, but I can't help it. Papi rode in my car one day and put it on WEEI and I haven't been able to find the remote to my stereo since then so I can't change it. This "Big O" guy is a real prick. He and his entourage on the afternoon show always trash on me for being hurt. I really was hurt last year. I just want to play baseball, man. I wouldn't fake an injury because I want to hit. I don't know what tendonitis it, but it's what the Sox trainer says I have. It might have something to do with being stung by a bee. I hate bees. They hurt. Someone told me they die after stinging someone, so that makes me happy.

I'm starting to come out of my slump right now. The reason I wasn't hitting well was because my puppy was sick all month and it was all I could think of. But Little Manny is all better now and I'm ready to rip it up! Thanks for sticking with me!

*Not really.

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